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Archive for the ‘Holidays and Special Dates’ Category

National Jelly Bean Day!

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012

By Linda (Angeleyes)

 

 

What a great day.  I remember as a child digging through my Easter basket every year to find every last one of those morsels of sugary goodness.  These days I go straight for the bag.  And me?  I’m not a jelly bean chewer.  I’m a “let the sugar melt off on my tongue a while then chew” kind of a girl.

 

No one seems to know the exact origins of the jelly bean but most experts believe that the jelly center is a descendent of a Mid-Eastern confection known as Turkish Delight a citrus, honey and rose water jell.  Jelly beans as we know them date back to at least the 1860’s. During the Civil War, Boston confectioner William Schrafft wanted to help support the war effort (and his bottom line) so he suggested sending this treat to Union troops.   However it wasn’t until July 5, 1905 that the mentioning of jelly beans was published in the Chicago Daily News. The advertisement publicized bulk jelly beans sold by volume for nine cents per pound. Jelly beans quickly earned a place among the many glass jars of “penny candy” in general stores where they were sold by weight and taken home in paper bags. It wasn’t until the 1930s, however, that jelly beans became a part of Easter traditions. Because of their egg-like shape, jelly beans became associated with the Easter Bunny, who is believed to deliver eggs as a symbol both spiritual rebirth based on religious beliefs and the upcoming season of spring.

 

Since 1976 and the introduction of Jelly Belly Jelly Beans, there have been two types of jellybeans, gourmet and traditional. The difference you ask?  Both take between 6-10 days to make but gourmet jelly beans tend to be softer and smaller than traditional jelly beans and are flavored in both the shell and the middle while traditional beans typically contain flavor only in the shell.

 

Fun Facts:

For Easter alone, in the United States, there are 16 billion jelly beans manufactured. This could fill a nine story office building that was 60 feet wide.

Jelly Belly beans were the first jelly beans in outer space.  President Reagan sent them on the 1983 flight of the space shuttle Challenger.

On October 15, 1999, the world’s largest jar of jelly beans was unveiled. It weighed 6,050 pounds.

 

 

 


The Jelly Bean Fun Book by Karen Capucilli

 

The Giant Jellybean Jar by Marcie Aboff

 


Eleven Jellybeans for Breakfast by Ellen Wikberg

 


The Jelly-Bean by F. Scott Fitzgerald

International Cheeseball Day!

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

It’s National Cheeseball (or Cheese Ball) Day!!!!

Photo by Michelle H. (mishnpow)

 

By Gail P. (TinkerPirate)

 

Yup, it’s a holiday. But, it’s a holiday surrounded in mystery.

You can google National Cheeseball Day and there are loads of sites that talk about it. But, none of them identify who started it or why or even the year it was first celebrated. And, then there is the whole mystery of how it became a “national” holiday. There’s no record of Congress naming it or setting aside April 17th as National Cheeseball Day. The final mystery is what is really being celebrated! There are 3 different kinds of cheeseballs:

  1. An airy puff of cheese-flavored nothingness to be munched upon whilst watching basketball leaving your fingers tips, lips, and likely the arms of the sofa roughly the same color as said basketball.
  2. A spherical structure of cheese often decorated with nuts, herbs, and/or spices, typically surrounded by teeny, tiny crackers, and often impaled with a dull, short-bladed knife with a handle reminiscent of whatever holiday is being celebrated.
  3. A guy who says really stupid stuff in an attempt to “get lucky” not realizing the really stupid stuff he says is exactly what is keeping him a virgin.

As Grammie to a soon-to-be 17 year old grandson, I prefer the 3rd definition, but that’s not what the holiday is actually about. And, since I HATE basketball (I’d rather chew tin-foil than listen to the sound tennies make on the wood floor), I’ll ignore definition #1. Which leaves us now with the one kind of cheeseball I happen to know a lot about and take a lot of family flack for.

I LOVE CHEESEBALLS! I love the fact that they are full of surprises! What is encased in that layer of pecans or cracked pepper or paprika or oregano??? Is it going to be a white cheese or a yellow cheese? Will it be cream cheese alone or will there be a mixture of grated cheeses? Is it just cheese on the inside or cheese AND something else…..like BACON!!!!! Then, there’s the anticipation about way the cheese spreads. Will the cheese be soft and flow smoothly over the cracker or is it going to be hard…too hard for the teeny, tiny crackers? I hate that…..the cracker snaps as I try to spread the cheese and you end up with cheese all over my fingers and a cracker half that flew across the table landing in my mother-in-law’s lap. Lastly, how will the cheese taste? Will it be sharp, will it be salty, will it be sweet, will it be earthy? I think you are getting the picture about why my family kids me about my obsession with cheeseballs! And, yes, I do own a complete set of dull, short-bladed knives with handles for every holiday, so just get over it already!

 

But, enough about me……here’s an easy cheeseball recipe for you to make, share, and celebrate National Cheeseball Day:

2 (8 ounce) packages of cream cheese

12 slices of lean bacon

3 scallions

1/3 cup chopped sundried tomatoes (use the kind that are in the jar with oil)

Cracked pepper

1 snack-size bag of cheeseballs

  1. Let the cream cheese sit on the kitchen counter for at least an hour before you start.
  2. Fry the bacon until it is crisp and then crumble it into pieces.
  3. Wash and dry the scallions. Cut the root end off and trim the green end to about 4 inches. Then thinly slice (including the green part).
  4. Drain the oil of the sundried tomatoes and pat dry. Chopped them into a course chop.
  5. Place the cream cheese in a large mixing bowl and beat with an electric mixer (or by hand if you have a really strong wrist and forearm) until it is smooth, creamy, and kind of fluffy.
  6. Mix in crumbled bacon, sliced scallions, and chopped sundried tomatoes.
  7. Season with fresh cracked pepper to taste.
  8. Form the mixture into a ball, wrap in plastic wrap, and place in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours.
  9. About an hour before you are ready to serve the cheeseball, remove it from the refrigerator.
  10. Smash the contents of the cheeseball bag, unwrap the cheeseball from the plastic wrap, and roll the cheeseball in the smashed cheeseballs.
  11. Place on a plate, surround with teeny, tiny crackers, and stab it with a dull short-bladed knife….preferably with a handle that looks like a cheeseball.

 

If you are looking for more recipes with cheese, try out some of these books available through PaperBackSwap.

 

Fondues from Around the World: Nearly 200 Recipes for Fish, Cheese and Meat Fondues, Oriental Hot Pots, Tempura, Sukiyaki, Dessert Fondues
Author: Eva Klever, Ulrich Klever

The Cheese Course
Author: Janet Fletcher

 

Kraft Philadelphia Cream Cheese Cookbook
Author: Kraft Kitchens

Grilled Cheese & More
Author: Louis Weber, Glenn Fuller, Shaughnessy MacDonald

 

Cheese: How to Choose, Serve and Enjoy
Author: Sunset Books

Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart
Author: Jim Dawson

 

On the Centennial Anniversary of the Sinking of RMS Titanic

Sunday, April 15th, 2012

by James L. (JimiJam)

“The ship was a fabulous passenger liner, larger than any other that had ever been built, and it was called unsinkable. Sailing across the North Atlantic in the month of April, with many rich and famous passengers aboard, it struck an iceberg and sank. Hundreds of passengers lost their lives because there were not enough lifeboats. The name of this ship? It was called the Titan. But it only existed in a novel called Futility by Morgan Robertson, published in 1898…” from 882 ½ Amazing Answers to your Questions about the Titanic, by Hugh Brewster and Laurie Coulter.

It’s no great revelation that, as the years and decades mount, the span of human history comes to form an odd sort of prism, through which the increasingly distant events of the past are refracted and dissembled into discernibly different elements. On the centennial anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic, one is hard pressed to avoid the attention being paid this memorial milestone of one hundred years having passed since those tragic events transpired. There is certainly no shortage of articles touching upon the basic facts surrounding the iconic ship’s construction and demise, nor is one left wanting for a more thorough analysis of the sinking itself. We now know more than ever before how the ship behaved following the initial impact, following its path to the current resting places of the resulting fragments along the ocean floor. There have even been a fair number of pieces analyzing the general fascination with which we view the Titanic’s story, and there are few who fail to catch sight of its prominence in pop culture, thanks to such efforts as James Cameron’s epic film. Many have explored the dichotomy of human hubris set against the harsh realities of unfeeling nature, as had clearly been the case even years prior to the ship’s eventual conception. Ultimately, in the last analysis, as is often the case once the bulk of our compulsion to reflect is satisfied, we are left with only the most wide-ranging, far-reaching of questions: What does it all mean?

To be sure, the Titanic’s origins were perhaps not so inspired as the romanticism of nostalgia may have made them out to be. Though we often consider the Titanic to be a grand, shining example of the technological, artistic talents (and yes, general hubris) of mankind, plans to build ships of this size were initially little more than a competitive marketing ploy. At a time when the most common and efficient means of traveling between Europe and North America was by ocean liner, two shipping companies battled for supremacy: the White Star Line, and the Cunard Line. By 1907, Cunard had proudly launched two luxury ships capable of traversing the Atlantic in only five days, the RMS Lusitania and the RMS Mauretania. The capacity for such swift travel quickly elevated the Cunard Line to prominence, and fast became the talk of the shipping world.

RMS Olympic and RMS Titanic

The White Star Line was naturally concerned with facing the challenge presented by its main competitor’s achievement. At a party held at the mansion of shipbuilder Lord William Pirrie, a conversation on these new ships between Pirrie and J. Bruce Ismay, chairman of the White Star Line, eventually led to the suggestion of larger, incomparably more luxurious ships. Thus a new line of ships was conceived: the Olympic, Titanic, and Gigantic.

Key to the tale of the Titanic’s demise is the notion that the White Star Line’s ships were designed to be unsinkable. Proof to the contrary notwithstanding, the sinking of this infamous vessel was in fact no small feat. The compartmentalized double hull was indeed a formidable method of attempting to reduce the likelihood of sinking. In truth it required a confluence of events that lend themselves to a vision of a conspiratorial notion of Fate to send the mighty vessel to the ocean floor. The Titanic was initially to embark upon its maiden voyage nearly a month sooner than it eventually did, but an accident in September of 1911 involving its sister ship, the Olympic, required shipbuilders to halt work aboard Titanic in order to make repairs aboard the ailing vessel. Thus the original launch date for Titanic was pushed back, from March 20th, 1912, to April 10th. This delay proved crucial to the circumstances surrounding Titanic’s demise, as recent theories have now suggested.

Though it was not necessarily unexpected that the Titanic might encounter the presence of ice along its North Atlantic journey, the hiring of a captain as experienced in sailing the North Atlantic as Capt. Edward Smith should have proven more than sufficient in avoiding such hazards. However, the amount of ice encountered, including massive icebergs like that which ultimately sunk Titanic, was not something anticipated by the ship’s crew. It is here where Fate played its hand. Recent analysis and speculation have put forth the following theory to explain the unusual hazardousness of Titanic’s route: The moon’s orbit, which varies in distance from the Earth over time, drew closer than it had in over 1,400 years. This, combined with an alignment of the Sun and Moon, produced gravitational conditions resulting in an unusually high tide a few months prior to Titanic’s sailing. In these elevated waters, the icebergs usually grounded off the coasts of Labrador, Newfoundland, and Greenland, were raised enough to free them from the ocean floor, loosing them upon the open waters of the Atlantic. Over the course of three months following their liberation, the icebergs drifted nearer to shipping lanes such as that which the Titanic sailed. Had the launch taken place in March as planned, it’s likely the iceberg which felled the Titanic would not yet have arrived to block the mighty ship’s passage. Thus, the delayed departure, unusually high tide, and simple lack of visibility which prevented earlier detection of the oncoming hazard, combined to doom the vessel’s maiden voyage.

And so, with eerily prophetic 19th century fiction, competitive marketing, technological achievement, seemingly cosmic interference, and a century between then and now to consider, what does it all actually mean? Is it, as it has often been characterized, merely a tragic and cautionary tale, warning against the overconfidence of humanity? The story of the RMS Titanic certainly serves such a purpose, though unsuccessfully, as shipbuilders went on to construct even larger ships only a few years after the Titanic’s sinking. More to the point, could such a message of warning explain the fascination with which many of us research and remember the event, or is there more to this tale than the loss of a ship and many of its passengers? I believe there is more truth to be found by observing the romanticism applied to the story, though not necessarily the sort of romance depicted in James Cameron’s film. Ultimately, the tale of the Titanic speaks to the core of humanity itself, and the indomitability of the human spirit.

Having taken place during an age of so much progress and transition into the fullness of a new age, yet prior to the great wars that would come to dominate the first half of the 20th century, the tragedy of the Titanic’s sinking provides a counterbalance that illuminates the boundless vision of the burgeoning modern world. The time surrounding the dawn of the 20th century featured an amount of intrepid progress and discovery then unmatched by any other time in human history. Central to this progress were the industries and advancements that made the swelling influx of a new immigrant population in America possible. As thousands upon thousands of people emigrated to the United States, so too did their talents, hopes, dreams, fears, and frailties journey to the American shore.

The story of the Titanic is more than simply an example of these advancements and dreams, it embodies them collectively. Encapsulated in that single, failed voyage, the spirit of a new era can be found intact, a perfectly blended combination of each of its elements. That a confluence of coincidences seemed to conspire against the fated vessel long before it set sail only adds to such a perspective. Mankind has always struggled against the forces of nature and the seemingly harsh winds of fortune. With each addition to our knowledge of this event, what may have once been a simple, yet catastrophic, tragedy becomes an ever more finely-crafted tale that appeals to us on an increasing number of levels. As this centennial milestone passes, one cannot help but marvel at both the story itself, and the century of curiosity and fascination that bridge the gap between then and now. And as we look from our present vantage to the future, with stories such as that of the Titanic’s epic voyage in mind, we can trust fully that our own progress and travails might one day prove just as fascinating one hundred years hence. Any stage of the journey may come to epitomize the age in which it takes place, and only through the brilliant prism of retrospect will we be able to reflect and once again ask, as we do now, what does it all mean?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Futility by Morgan Robertson

 


882 1/2 Amazing Answers to your Questions about the Titanic by Hugh Brewster, Laurie Coulter

 


Unsinkable: The Molly Brown Story by Joyce B. Lohse

 

Raise the Titanic by Clive Cussler

 


Explorations: A Life of Underwater Adventure by Robert D. Ballard

 

 

 

 

 

 

Triskaidekaphobia

Friday, April 13th, 2012

By Carole (craftnut)

 

From Wikipedia – Triskaidekaphobia (from Greek tris meaning “3”, kai meaning “and”, deka meaning “10” and phobia meaning “fear” or “morbid fear”) is fear of the number 13; it is a superstition and related to a specific fear of Friday the 13th, called paraskevidekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia.

Does the number thirteen make you nervous?  For Friday the 13th, here are two reviews of books with the number 13 in the title.   There’s no need to be afraid of these stories.  They are not scary at all.

 

The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

Sometimes you hear about a book and think, I need to read that.  Then, looking at a discussion you find a lot of people hated the book, so it goes to the back burner for a while.  Then, a while later, you run across it again and are again intrigued by the book synopsis.  Thirteenth Tale is such a book.   There are readers that were bored to the point of wallbanging the book.  Others were captivated a few pages in.   My curiosity finally got the better of me and I ordered this book and read it.  I am so glad I did, as this one is a keeper.

A reclusive author, Vida Winter, decides to tell her true-life story to an unknown writer after decades of making up stories about herself.  She is haunted by a request to ‘tell the truth’, along with some disturbing memories.  She tells her story to Margaret Lea who has her own pain connected with a family secret.  This secret is similar to the secret Ms. Winter has to reveal and impacts Margaret in a way she doesn’t expect, impacting her decision to do the biography.  The story unfolds slowly, but builds on itself becoming more complex as it progresses.  It completely drew me in as it went forward, making the book harder and harder to put down.  The present day is woven into the tale as Margaret tries to verify some of the details, as when she finds the original house where Ms. Winter lived.  There are several twists and turns, and you won’t see them coming.  I am pretty good at figuring out how plots will progress, but this one surprised me more than once.  Just when you think you know, there is something more that changes everything.

Books play an important role in this novel, always a delightful discovery.  The book is written from the point of view of Margaret, who is the daughter of a rare bookseller.  Gardens and architecture provide interesting backdrops for the before and after aspects of the story.

I recommend The Thirteenth Tale.  I found the story captivating, and will read it again.

 

 

 

Thirteen Moons by Charles Frazier

This story is inspired by the true story of William Holland Thomas, the only white man ever to be chief of the Cherokee tribe in North Carolina.  He arrived in the North Carolina Mountains as a teenager to work in a trading post.   He became friends with the Cherokee, learning their language and eventually being adopted by the tribe.  When the post closed, he opened his own.  Thomas organized two companies of Cherokee troops to serve the Confederacy, along with four more of North Carolina white men.  These companies were never defeated by the Union.  Their main battle was fought in Waynesville, near where I live.  Thomas represented the Cherokee in Washington after the war, and was a state senator for 12 years.  He helped secure land for them, purchasing it in his own name using not only their funds but his own money as well.   He was chief of the Cherokee from 1838-1869.  He suffered from dementia (or maybe Alzheimer’s disease) and was committed to a state mental hospital in 1867, two years before he was succeeded as chief.  He died in 1893, after years of being in and out of mental hospitals.

The Thirteen Moons is historical fiction about William Cooper, a young orphan who is sent on a journey into the Cherokee Nation wilderness, his adoption by the tribe and his adventures.  Frazier states in his afterward that the character of Cooper is fiction and the story is fiction, although inspired by fact.

I found this book tiresome as it starts with one misfortune after another.   The story follows the same basic trajectory as the real person on which it is based.   The writing style is pedantic to me, much like his other book, Cold Mountain.   Honestly, this book was a wall-banger for me, but I persevered mainly because it was set in the North Carolina mountain area.  It didn’t get much better.  My husband found it interesting from the perspective of historical fiction, but didn’t care for the book overall.  So, unless you are a history buff that doesn’t mind this style of writing, don’t waste your time.

 

 

13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13 13

Plan Your Epitaph Day

Friday, April 6th, 2012

By Cheryl G. (Poncer)

 

Seems a bit morbid, but it is something to think about. Might be better to write our own, than to leave it to someone who may not get it exactly correct.

Here is mine:

Vini, Vidi, Vorte.  (I came, I saw, I swapped.)

 

 

 

Robert Burns (1759-96)

The poetic genius of my country found me at the plough and threw her inspiring mantle over me.
She bade me sing the loves, the joys, the rural scenes and rural pleasures of my native soil, in my native tongue.
I tuned my wild, artless notes as she inspired.

 

Benjamin Franklin (1706-90)
The body of
B. Franklin,
Printer,
Like the cover of an old book
its contents torn out,
and stripped of its lettering and gilding,
lies here, food for worms.
But the work shall not be wholly lost,
for it will, as he believed, appear once more,
in a new and more perfect edition,
corrected and amended
by the Author.

John Keats (1795-1821)
This Grave
contains all that was Mortal
of a
YOUNG ENGLISH POET
Who
on his Death Bed,
In the Bitterness of his Heart
at the Malicious Power of his enemies, desired
these Words to be engraved on his Tomb Stone:
“Here lies One
Whose name was writ in Water.”

Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-94)
from his poem, “Requiem,” 1887
Under the wide and starry sky

Dig the grave and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly die,
And I laid me down with a will.

This be the verse you grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from the sea
And the hunter from the hill.

Emily Dickenson (1884–1886)
Called Back

Joseph Conrad (1857-1924)
Sleep after toile, port after stormie seas,
Ease after warre, death after life, does greatly please.

Hilaire Belloc (1870-1953)
When I am dead, I hope it may be said:
“His sins were scarlet, but his books were read.”

What is your epitaph? Share it with us

VostromoScope – Aquarius

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

By Greg (VOSTROMO)

 

Birthstone: Amethyst  
Symbol: The Water Bearer (not “The Jugs”)
Ruling planet: Uranus (not mine)
Element: Alka-Seltzer

 

Aquarius. Nature’s way of saying “Some day, your son or daughter will appear naked onstage.” (NB: In northern California it is widely regarded as code for “We sell broken pieces of common minerals at inflated prices and dig the incense, man.”)

 

courtesy of NASA

Aquarians are ruled by Uranus (not mine) and this makes them unusual in that Uranus (not mine) is traditionally the bringer of change, but change which must occur within the eternal zodiacal cycle. When Uranus (not mine) passes closest by Earth in its elliptical 84-year solar orbit, sociopolitical, intellectual, and technological upheavals may sweep across our world, be they global or personal. This eternal/periodical conflation is symbolized well in Aquarian Shakira, whose hips swing periodically back and forth — change — while never leaving her body — eternity — though I have tried.

 

 

 

Of course, like all change, some is for the better, some the worse. Global examples include the discovery of fire, the Renaissance, Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address, and Edison’s electric light; but also the 8-track tape cartridge, high fructose corn syrup, and Paris Hilton. Personal examples include Jillian Michaels losing all that weight, Justin Timberlake finally proposing to Jessica Biel, and Jennifer Aniston never losing hope; but also Ashton Kutcher’s taking over on ‘Two and a Half Men’, Oprah moving to LA, and Sarah Palin. Yes, Aquarians are behind it all.

 

Individually Aquarians are lovers of life and readily embrace challenges, broad groups of friends, new experiences, and strangers just waiting for the bus. They make friends readily, because they are so willing to lend money and cannot grasp the point of, nor correctly spell, “receipt”. But their watery approachability has a dark side — Aquarians often get carried away with the strength of their own emotions, and fall in love easily, letting the tide of passion rush over them, only to notice the seaweed of discord too late, when the piranhas of betrayal hiding behind it have already led the killer whale of loneliness to their inflatable rafts of dashed hope and misery.

 

 

So light up some Nag Champa, put on “Hips Don’t Lie”, try on your merkin, and think of England — after all, they’re not looking at YOUR body, they’re looking at the CHARACTER’S body. World of difference, unless it’s really cold.
*****

 

This month’s forecast: Rooney Mara will legally change her name to Andy Rooney Mara. Sean Penn will buy the Falkland Islands and turn them over to a consortium of Jessica Biel, Jennifer Aniston, Jillian Michaels and Ashton Kutcher, then realize his mistake and re-dedicate them to housing Sarah Palin. You have a container of yogurt in the back of the fridge dating from 1974.

 

 

 

Escape from the Island of Aquarius by Frank E. Peretti

 

Legends of Incense Herb and Oil Magic by Lewis deClaremont

 

Wild Flowers of the Falkland Islands by
T.H. Davies, J.H. McAdam and the Falkland Islands Trust

 

Uranus: The Seventh Planet by Michael D. Cole

 

 

VostromoScope – Capricorn

Saturday, January 21st, 2012

By Greg (VOSTROMO)

Ruling planet: Saturn
Symbol: Goat with a Fish tail (or as I like to call it, Who Spiked the Punch?)
Birthstone: Garnet
Element: You know those incredibly annoying unpopped kernels at the bottom of the microwave bag which you can’t see until you’ve stuck them in your mouth and started chewing and you could bust a tooth on them? Those things.

Capricorn. The most confused, ungainly astrological construct… the duck-billed platypus of signs, if you take away the elegance and grace. Cap… ri… corn. Even the name is awkward, like choosing a bottle of wine for the dinner at which you have a nagging feeling you may have misjudged your date’s sex.

And it’s an anagram of “circa porn” (which goes a long way towards explaining the likes of Jim Bakker or J. Edgar Hoover) — not to mention “I crap corn”. Goodness me.

From Wikipedia: “The constellation is located in an area of sky called the Sea or the Water.” M’kay. Be honest: did you know there’s an area of THE SKY called THE SEA? Of course not — you know why? BECAUSE THAT’S NUTS! But this zodiacal inner-ear dysfunction is evident everywhere: consider the symbol, the so-called “Sea Goat”. Goat — plus fish! FishGoat. Ummm… why is this anything other than what happened to Seth Brundle? Isn’t it what George Bush was railing against, and could he maybe have been right one month of the year? The whole point of goats is that they’re UP IN THE MOUNTAINS! Fish are DOWN IN THE OCEAN! Does nobody see this as something that needs quality psychiatric treatment, or some antibiotics? No wonder you have John Delorean (mega-successful businessman now synonymous with failure) and Mel Gibson (once a lethal weapon on screen, now a lethal weapon off).

And — hey — check it out: “It is the second faintest constellation in the zodiac.” Got that — SECOND faintest. You can’t even get that right. No wonder David Bowie keeps changing his appearance — he’s ashamed.

I’ll give you one thing, though: you are some fine-looking freaks: Bradley Cooper. Faye Dunaway. Ava Gardner. Cary Grant. Zooey Deschanel. Bob Denver. Donald Fagen. Jeff Bezos — aargh! — you see what happens when you try to walk a straight line in the crazy Capricorn world? It’s impossible.

Now to be fair, in your defense, you’ve got some brainiacs among you (Tycho Brahe; Louis Braille; Louis Pasteur; Stephen Hawking; Val Kilmer) and one or two people who have truly changed the world (until I can think of somebody you can at least claim George Foreman, who has helped millions manage to let the fat run off in those little channels).

Further, this sign’s bizarre mammalian ichthyosomatism does confer a singular advantage: it offers its sufferers the greatest likelihood that they will see a given topic from a variety of viewpoints — from goaty cliffside lookings-down to fishy peerings up from under the surface. Thus Capricorns often make outstanding writers: Asimov, Eco, Miller, Kipling, Salinger, Poe, and many others all went both ways. Others have commanding speechwriting and public speaking gifts (Martin Luther King, Larry Csonka) and many achieve success in areas requiring clarity of communication — it’s almost always a Capricorn you hear saying “Did you want to supersize that for a dollar more?” and “If your name isn’t on the list, your name isn’t on the list.”

So I guess the point is, Capricorn, like your poster child Muhammad Ali, you float like a… goat… and sting like a… fish… it can’t be done. I’m sorry.

Moving on.

*******

This month’s forecast: “Work It” will be cancelled. You will get something stuck in your teeth on the 21st that may be worth a large sum of money. Avoid giving birth while taking your driver’s test on the 31st.

 

Goat: A Memoir by Brad Land

 

Capricorn People by Aaron Fletcher

 

Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller

 

The Persistent Capricorn by Therrie Rosenvald

 

The Case of the Ill-Gotten Goat by Claudia Bishop

 

Always on the Run by Larry Csonka & Jim Kiick with Dave Anderson

 

 

 

 

And for a walk down memory lane……