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Greg-O-Scope – Aries the Ram

Just in time for April Fool’s Day, we are please to roll out a new regular feature!  Our own Greg (VOSTROMO) has graciously agreed to provide our (his) faithful followers with their very own Greg-O-Scope.

ARIES
Element: Fire
Symbol: The Ram
Ruling planet: Mars
Birthstone: Dental Amalgam

Aries: a fire sign, Aries women are often admired for their beauty (actress Olivia Hussey and Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor are famous examples) while men often achieve fame as athletes (Pat Robertson, Anita Bryant). Aries are adventurous, active, outgoing, and prone to shoplifting.

Ruled by Mars, they can be startlingly aggressive — they will often refuse to water houseplants that do not grow towards them — but also surprisingly trusting, especially in romantic terms (Aries are clients on “Cheaters” 36% more often than other signs).

Aries is a physical sign, with a high masculine essence, and many Aries become successful sports figures, astronauts, and bagel quality-control supervisors. They love to travel and explore the remotest edges of the world, often without bringing any underwear — indeed, non-Aries travellers often meet them along the way to places thought unexplored, only to find their wallets missing shortly thereafter.

This emphasis on the physical, masculine, activity-oriented personality has drawbacks, however — Aries can be intolerant of restrictions, and in modern, crowded society this can leave them at a loss for compromise: while house-hunting, Aries will often just move into their realtor’s home; if injured, Aries demand to be placed at the top of transplant lists, often for organs they do not need, like brains. Similarly, when applying for jobs, Aries may point out to a prospective boss all the reasons why his or her company will be going down the toilet, even if they are hired. These full-steam-ahead tendencies are one reason why Aries make excellent crash-test dummies.

This month’s forecast: Avoid the Redbox on Washington & 29th Street on the 17th. When paying taxes, use American currency if possible. Look for love in hallway mirrors.

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For further study and information, Greg has provided these book suggestions:

Coming Soon: Taurus

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8 Responses to “Greg-O-Scope – Aries the Ram”

  1. Jerelyn H. (I-F-Letty) says:

    So glad that is going to be a regular feature. Greg always, well almost always, makes me smile.

  2. Mary S. (kilchurn) , says:

    Highly looking forward to your Capricorn edition!

  3. Laura C. (HippieMama) says:

    Awesome! I have tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing and it was surprisingly accurate. Went to Mexico once on a spur of the moment money making venture and completely forgot to pack any underwear… 😉 Thank you for that!

  4. Whitney B. (whitneyab) , says:

    Love the birthstone!! Even though I’m not an Aries, I’d love to know where I can purchase one.

  5. Maria (SassenachD) says:

    WOW…so dead on! My Birthdate 4/11

  6. Greg (VOSTROMO) says:

    Whitney: I’m pretty sure you can purchase an Aries just about anywhere.

  7. Whitney (whitneyab) , says:

    Ahh, so the dental amalgam must be from the mouth of an Aries? Not just any dental amalgam will do, I suppose.

  8. Linda (Angeleyes) , says:

    I’m an Aries and i’m not confirming or denying anything in this report. Just don’t talke to my DH. That is all.

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