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VostromoScope – Virgo

By Greg (VOSTROMO

 

 

Ruling planet: Mercury
Birthstone: Sapphire
Element: Kevlar
Sign: “Be Prepared To Stop”

Virgo is in an interesting position in the Zodiac, coming immediately after Leo, the most forceful of astrological characters — it’s as if “The Biggest Loser” was sponsored by Hostess, maker of HoHos, DingDongs, and SnoBalls: you respect the dedication though the frustration seems impossible to endure. Just a glance at some famous Virgos — Cameron Diaz, Claudia Schiffer, Raquel Welch, Rachel Ward, Sophia Loren, Sean Connery, Keanu Reeves, Hugh Grant — reveals why even the Virgo birthstone is blue.

Virgo is generally considered a warm, welcoming, accommodating sign, which would sound like a bad joke if you didn’t know about Mother Teresa, who, let’s face it, did some decent things without once going into Victoria’s Secret. Indeed chief among the characteristics of Virgo is dedication to service and sacrifice (though I suspect more than a few minds were changed on the way down to the bottom of the volcano). Etymologically “virga” is associated with youth, freshness and inexperience — which is what makes Charlie Sheen’s September birthday so puzzling! — and those born under this sign are almost never found under anything else, at least until college.

Virgos are also held among the more logical and analytical members of the Zodiac, and often enjoy participating in groups gathered around a central idea — AV Club, for example — though they often take great care pondering the ins and outs of topics, the thrusts and counter-thrusts of angles of entry to subjects, before opening their positions to further probing. If you meet a Virgo who seems ready and willing to go head-to-head with you without at least some preliminary manipulation, he or she is probably no Virgo at all! Emotionally, though, Virgos tend to be somewhat private and often keep to themselves — some people go their whole lives without ever encountering one on a deep level.

Lastly, this sign has graciously lent itself to one of the great vaudeville jokes of the age:

Distraught girl: “I’ve lost my virginity!”
Man: “Do you still have the box it came in?”

 

This month’s Forecast: To avoid misunderstandings, speak only French on the 19th. Those aren’t raisins. Today is the first day of the rest of your week.

 

 

The Virgo Club by Suzanne Power

 

Virgo Implants by Carmen and Theodore Peregrim

 

John Virgo’s Snooker Trick Shots by John Virgo and Jim Davidson

 

How to Live with a Virgo a Survival Guide by Daniel T Darmdy

 

Women Set Free by Wendy Virgo

 

Demeter’s Dilemma by Lucinda Mitchell

 

 

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3 Responses to “VostromoScope – Virgo”

  1. Robin K. (jubead) says:

    Greg said “it’s as if “The Biggest Loser” was sponsored by Hostess, maker of HoHos, DingDongs, and SnoBalls”

    Thanks, now want a snowball for breakfast!

    Great VostromoScope as always.

  2. Whitney (whitneyab) , says:

    I had no idea Virgos were so…. um …. sensual.

  3. Valerie R. (VLR) says:

    As a Virga, er, um virgin, uh virgoian, I thank you for this informative VostomoScope. You are so witty and correct.

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