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VostromoScope – Leo

By Greg (VOSTROMO


Ruling planet: Sol
Element: Fire
Symbol: looks like Marlo Thomas to me
Birthstone: Peridot

Of all the Zodiacal signs, Leo is the one people most often think they can identify. The Lion as a symbol of power, control and fearlessness is so common across global societies that people often unconsciously affix those traits onto Leos without any prior consideration. Famous Leos like Amelia Earhart, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Hulk Hogan and Connie Chung would seem to offer support for the Leo-as-power interpretation of this hairy sign. But lions, real and symbolic, have other traits which must be accounted for and assigned where not, perhaps, immediately apparent.

A few examples:

(1) Lions are inactive for up to 20 hours per day — applying this trait as a filter, the lives of such notables as Percy Bysshe Shelley, Jerry Garcia and Mata Hari make more sense (ok maybe Mata Hari wasn’t technically “inactive” but she was certainly lying down).

(2) Full-grown lions weigh an average of 450lbs and may eat up to 75lbs of food at a single sitting. That’s right, Dom DeLuise, I’m looking at you.

(3) Males, despite their superior physical stature, rely on females for their food. Yves St. Laurent? John Derek? Claus von Bulow? Bill Clinton? ‘Nuff said.

(4) Lions in heat will couple up to 40 times per day. *sigh* OK, here we go: Mick Jagger, Magic Johnson (indeed!), Wilt Chamberlain, Herbert Hoover…

(5) Females raise their tails to send a “follow me” signal. I almost don’t want to go there, but — oh look, isn’t that Shelley Winters by — uh, making off with — the canapes? Where is she… is that DeLuise behind the…

(6) Males mark their territory to “stake their claim” to certain lands. Does the name Neil Armstrong ring a bell? TE Lawrence? Napoleon? Mussolini?

So treat Leos with the respectful reserve their intense gifts deserve, but also the circumspection their more hidden aspects require. Leos make excellent friends and life partners (and also great, really just flat-out terrific jewel thieves) but may not be the best diplomats, hostage negotiators, or mothers-in-law. They are sexy, dominant lovers, but you’d best have your own health insurance. And toothbrush. And bring extra napkins, or wipey things. Towelettes, that’s the name.

*****

This month’s forecast:

It sounds insane, but I predict that “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part II” will dominate at the box office.

John Boehner will look as if his tie is too tight even though it’s really a clip-on.

Don’t order the pate on the 12th, they ran out, it’s Fancy Feast.

 

 

Leo the Late Bloomer by Robert Kraus

 

Welcome To Leo’s by Rochelle Alers, Donna Hill, Brenda Jackson, Francis Ray

 

The Bum’s Rush: A Leo Waterman Mystery by G.M. Ford

 

Lair of the Lion by Christine Feehan

 

The Lion’s Game by Nelson DeMille

 

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis

 

Sherlock Holmes: The Adventure of the Lion’s Mane by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

 

Bob Marley: Conquering Lion of Reggae by Stephen Davis

 

 

 

 

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9 Responses to “VostromoScope – Leo”

  1. Shawna (BookBabeVT) says:

    Greg – You Always know how to make me laugh. You are so Frolicsome!!

  2. Greg (VOSTROMO) says:

    Thanks. To be honest I don’t think this one is particularly good but this is my busy season and time was precious and I had to put this together between flossings. Peace.

  3. James L. (JimiJam) says:

    Can’t blame you there, flossing is key! But I disagree with your self-assessment, you’re hilarious as ever. I always look forward to the VostromoScope, and can never wait to see the next one!

  4. Greg (VOSTROMO) says:

    For anyone wondering about the Marlo Thomas reference: http://www.sitcomsonline.com/photopost/data/789/That_Girl_Marlo_Thomas.JPG

  5. Mary S. (kilchurn) , says:

    I’m with JimiJam, I think this one is one of your best yet! Of course, I’m certain that your Vostromoscope for Capricorn will be the best ever.

  6. Robin K. (jubead) says:

    I am sure the Vostromoscope for Aquariuians will be very interesting! My sister is a Leo, so she will receive a link to this page.

    I disagree with your assessment too, this was hilarious.

    Unfortunately, I understood your reference to “That Girl”. I didn’t need to use your link, because I watched the episodes when they first aired!

  7. Hunter S. (Hunter1) says:

    Love it!

  8. Greg (VOSTROMO) says:

    Just so’s ya know, it’s a little tricky currently to backtrack to the earlier entries (they’ve changed the Blog tagging system since we started) and I’ve asked if a link to each previous month’s entry can be added to each current one. Can’t say if my lust for fame will annoy TPTB or not, but one does try.

  9. Cozette M. (CozSnShine) , says:

    Thanks for making my day with your flolicsomeness!
    Do NOT annoy TPTB – they might get cranky and we can’t have that!!

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